Abiding in Being Lost

  I have been thinking a lot lately about God and how to draw closer to him.  I have spent a lot of my walk thinking about myself.  The wonderings of whether or not I am doing worthy things, feeling the guilt of that, and then trying to boost my confidence by remembering what I do right.  None of this has really helped me know God.  If anything it has made me very selfish and narcissistic while attempting to do the complete opposite.  Foolishness.
  I have been blessed to have many wonderful mentors and people of whom I have desired to imitate throughout my life.  However, in their presence I have always wanted to seem strong and wise.  I am sure I was the only one who thought I was doing a good job hiding my insecurities in my vain pursuit of appearing Godly.
  Now I am kind of starting at square one, at the basics of what it is to be a Christian, which is purely to love God.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2 that he came to them resolving to "know nothing while I was with you except Christ and him crucified."  Paul set his life on knowing God and preaching the Good News.  Paul does not write about whether or not he is doing what he's supposed to be doing.  He draws his life out of his abundant relationship with Christ. 
  Timothy Keller has written a nugget of a book about what it is to live like Paul did, in complete self-forgetfulness.  He points out that we are driven by human ego and we are obsessed with self-esteem.  However, Paul writes, "But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court.  In fact, I do not even judge myself.  For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted.  It is the Lord who judges me" 1 Cor. 4:2-4.  Paul is aware that as much as it does not matter what others think of him, his own opinion is not trustworthy, just like mine is of myself.  It's hard to live in a way that is not about impressing people or being worthy of their admiration.  So much of our society informs us that we are dependent on how others view us.  On the other hand we do not need to live in ignorance of our faults, convincing ourselves that we have none.  It is written of Brother Lawrence that "He was very sensible of his faults, but not discouraged by them.  He did not plead to God to excuse his sins, but simply confessed them to Him.  When he had done so, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration." 
  It is important that we recognize what these persons of peace recognize.  "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death" Romans 8:1-2.  We are free from being shamed by our sins, by their entrapment and their transformation of us.  Christ has done it once-and-for-all and we are guilty of taking him to the cross repeatedly if we do not accept his gift of grace.  We confess our sins and we carry on in love, knowing that this is the only way we can afford to approach his presence and a small part of the mystery of God.     
  My church has just finished a learning community about huddles and missional communities.  On the last night we discussed entering rest with God and abiding in him.  The more we saturate ourselves in his presence the less we become consumed with whether or not we are "Christian enough."  Then we are able to enter into every moment filled up with "Jesus juice" as my pastor Dave joked.  It's worth noting that the rest that God provides is strange to our culture.  We have the ability to be unconcerned with ourselves but fully whole and at peace with ourselves if we allow God to enter in daily.  What a testimony of our lives that is to those who watch us.  The evidence of rest is a powerful hope for this world as many are in fits about who they should be and what they should do.  Abiding in Christ and accepting his great mercy is the only way we can live "on earth as it is in heaven" Matt. 6:10.

Wanted to quickly add the books I referenced in this blog:
"The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness"-Timothy Keller
"The Practice of the Presence of God"-Brother Lawrence
"The Bible"-God and scribes